Thursday, 12 July 2012

FSF: Composure

The sweltering heat made her blood boil but she resisted.
The thirst made her throat constrict so as no sound would come out but she resisted.
The hot sands of the desert scorched her bare feet but she didn't betray a single emotion.
Clouds of uncertainty hovered over her dying brain and yet she couldn't muster a single tear.
The only thing that was certain was death and an inane hope that it too might change.

15 comments:

  1. Now that I read it again, the last line is lacking something. It was supposed to mean her situation might change. Hmmm guess I'd have to edit it later....? :)

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    1. I liked it, it alluded to the obvious need, but it also hints at something deeper, it draws you in, but then I specialise in the vague :)

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    2. I love the vague... Kinda gives you somthing to think about even after the story's over.

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  2. I really like this, simple sentences that set the scene :)

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  3. Wonderful how you packed those simple sentences so beautifully. Well done :)

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  4. A piece is good when you're left wanting more. Who is she? How did she find herself in this predicament? You may have a long story wanting to be written here. Very nice imagery, although I agree that the last line is a little vague.

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  5. Short and so efective! Gorgeous description! I understood the ending too as in the situation needing to change but I think death is inevitable. Well done. xx

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  6. I want to know how she got there!

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  7. Great scene setting...but it makes me want more!!

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  8. Effective and short. I wondered about that last phrase - it seemed to need an object, change what? But I'd like to read more...

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  9. Thanks everyone! :) any ideas how to change the last sentence?

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  10. Yeah. That's composure, all right. Powerful stuff and you make the most of it with your choice of short, sharp sentences. As to the last sentence... whatever you choose to do with it I think you need to close with, "The only thing that was certain was death." That line is badass. Maybe you can re-work the sentence so the "inane hope" fades away in the face of the certainty of death?

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  11. Thanks for the feedback. I might edit this later... :)

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