Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Visual dare: gutted

For part one click here.

He pushed open the door and hurried inside. The old wooden panels gave way under his heavy six foot frame, each crack in the wood equal to a spear right through his heart. He stared at the objects which had meant everything to him in a past life.
Don't think. The memories would cripple you. 
A slight breeze swept in through the broken window panes, wrapping him in a cool embrace. 
Don't feel. Don't think. Don't stall.
He strode purposefully to the end of the deserted room, his heart fluttering with excitement. He looked at his old worn out desk and smiled.
All was not lost. The 'rooh' was still there.

7 comments:

  1. Ooooo a man with a past! A dark, heavy past, by the sounds of it. Nice working of symbolic layers between environment and internal dialogue.

    Sooooo....what's the 'rooh'?

    Lovely work!! Thanks for participating!

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  2. Nicely done! Very effective structure. I also love the line "the memories will cripple you".

    I want to know what the rooh is too!

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  3. Thanks!
    The rooh is and Urdu word which translates to 'soul'. I'm still working on the story line here. Maybe I'll expand it in the coming visual dares..... :)

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  4. A great story.
    I love the tension you build with those short, sharp sentences, "Don't feel. Don't think. Don't stall."
    Thanks for exiling the 'room'

    (PS If it says this comment is from Anonymous it's because bloodspot is not playing nicely with wordpress! Mike Jackson)

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  5. PS. My comment did work, so ignore the previous PS!
    'bloodspot' should have read' blogspot' - though I like the sound of bloodspot - must be a story in there somewhere.

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  6. Great story, wrapped in layers and layers of intrigue.

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  7. Love the sense of urgency, you can feel him trying to maintain control

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